Even while I was preggo, I was already aware of the “social landscape of new motherhood.” It's been mentioned in parenting magazines, and has been the subject of many a 'chick-lit' books. And what is that exactly? In a nutshell, new moms will expect to find themselves thrown back into a high school-like hierarchy of social status and new territory akin to that of the dating scene. Still not making sense? Let’s start with labels. There is the "high-end mom" = mom who has the latest hot stroller, the cool diaper bag, the latest educational toy, etc.; there is the "granola/earth mom” = mom only into organic foods, clothing, toys, etc. Or you can be a “hot mom” = a mom who has bounced back into shape, still wearing fashionable clothing and can balance a cappuccino on one hand and pushing a pram with the other. We're talking mom cliques. There are the die-hard breastfeeders who shun the formula moms, and SAHMs vs. working moms. There are definitely new associations you end up making –like making sure you set up playdates with kids of the same background as yours, be friends with moms who have the same parenting style as you, etc. It may not be as blatant as some magazines describe it, but you'll definitely notice it.
I do see this to a certain extent whenever I’m in the city with the baby. In the Upper East Side, there is a surplus of moms and nannies pushing Bugaboos (a stroller starting at $700) and nothing else. I see them in cafes chatting with one another, looking cool and posh. In the Village, I see more eclectic-mom types like myself, and so on. In my little neighborhood though, it’s not as common –yet. Moms in my area come in all shapes, sizes, and colors that they don't fit a specific niche. (Also, I haven’t really met any other moms that I associate with on a regular basis aside from the moms I’ve met in daycare.) So I can’t really comment on the types of moms out there. Nonetheless, I think moms are always on the lookout for other moms that they can bond with. When I’m at the playground, I definitely scout around to see which mom I can chat up. Likewise, I’ve been approached by other moms who try to pick me up.
One time, I was at our local playground (conveniently located at the end of my block) when this woman starts to chat me up. She was Chinese, probably about 5-10 years older than me, and had an 10-month old baby.
Her: Oh hello. How old is your child?
Me: He’ll be 12 months in two weeks.
Her: Wow, he’s walking already! Victoria (gesture to child in swing), can’t walk yet. When did he start walking?
Me: A little before he was 11 months old. He’s still very wobbly (and as if to demonstrate, rockstar baby trips and falls).
Her: Are you home? Or do you work?
Me: Oh I work, I just got out of work a little early. How about you?
Her: I work too, and she’s in daycare.
Me: Oh me too.
Her: Which daycare?
Me: Oh he’s in X daycare on 10th st.
Her: Oh where is that? Do they have a lot of white kids in there?
Me: Uhm..yeah, it’s pretty mixed.
Her: How much do you pay a week? Is it expensive? Are you able to afford it easily? Etc..
At that point, I got kinda weirded out by her personal financial questions, so I bow out of the conversation and turn to Jakey by saying “oh do you want to get on the slides now? Come on let’s go…” Since then, I’ve seen the mom around but I don’t think she remembers talking to me. I always see her chatting up other parents though!
I myself haven’t had the guts to approach other moms other than commenting on how cute their kid is and doing small talk. I think it’s really hard find other moms your age that a) have a child close in age to your child; and b) have the same interests as you. I'm currently trying to 'pick up' the mom of this cute kiddo that rockstar baby plays with in daycare. I haven't had a conversation with her yet (since she does her drop off/pick up earlier than I do); but since she dresses her baby kinda punk-y like sometimes, I keep thinking we'll get along.
I really wish my friends and I had kids at around the same time. We'd have built-in playdates and we already know we get along. A close friend I have with kids moved to Georgia (thanks Trish!) But at least there's Antonion (my friend Sol's baby) --I think by the time rockstar baby hits two, they can actually start playing with each other and actually realize it (as opposed to just staring at each other).
Until then, I'm still on the prowl. I have yet to see another mom wearing Vans with skulls on them or a shirt with a band’s name on it. Is that too much to ask? Should I put out a personal ad?
Labels: motherhood, musings/personal stories
a crazy rockstar weekend...
Despite my wanna-be rockstar leanings, I don't actually have a rockstar lifestyle. *gasp* But you all knew that. The past week, I actually had a semi-rockstar weekend complete with coming home at odd hours of the night, getting sick, passing out, and meeting random strangers! Oh. Yes.
Thursday, my band played at the Iron Monkey along with our friend's band, Kilsy. We played at around 10:45 pm and it was a great show. Kilsy, however, totally rocked it as she usually does. Her band is just amazing. Our bands have played together a few times and it's always a fun show. I was even kinda flirting with her drummer (well, flirting for me is saying "wow, you were great!" and then leaving. Ha!) Anyway, I recommend you check her out! By the time I got home, it was almost 2 am and of course, I had work the next day.
Then Friday night, I had to haul my tired-ass to dinner with Eileen Joy, a friend I met on-line back in the day. It was one of EJ's last nights in the city. She just completed her Masters of Social Work degree and was headed back to Cali after her graduation. Congrats!! We all ate at Jeeb (where I had my 30th bday) and then went out for a quick drink afterwards. Well, I got a quick drink (and didn't even finish $10 glass of Baileys on the rocks) and made a mad dash home. I got home at around 1 am, but I was dead-tired from the night before that I was slightly delirious by the time dinner came along. You know how lightheaded you get from lack of sleep? Right?? But I had a lot of fun catching up with EJ, Jason, Gail, and Anna. I really wish I could've stayed longer!
So by Saturday, I just didn't have any energy. However, my family and the hubs' family all met up for brunch to celebrate Mother's Day a day early. We had a good time eating Japanese food at Minado. Rockstar baby didn't have fun though...
Saturday night, I met up with Analyse from France --making this my second "EB" with a fellow blogger. Ana was so cool and chic! She rocked a French accent with her English and Tagalog and we chatted about NYC, the babies, and how neat France is for subsidizing all her baby-related expenses. (Dang, Europe is the shit when it comes to maternity leave!). I really wish I got spend more time with her, but she was only in NYC for a hot minute. I did offer to be her tour guide for the next time she comes to visit.
All this time though, rockstar baby has been sick. As in mucus-y coughing, continuous fevers, and a total loss of appetite. I was/am a mess. He'd be better and then revert back to being sickly. I took him to the doctor who put him on a nebulizer for his cough, but then his fevers still continued. He actually had a 100-degree fever when we went out to eat on Saturday! So the rest of the weekend was spent at home taking care of him. My mother's day was crap since his fever went up even higher on Sunday and all he wanted to do was sleep and not eat. I have to literally force him to drink a bottle. Once again, he lost a few pounds and looks like a sickly little urchin. Argh.
Here he is managing a smile despite everything...
A sickly rockstar baby makes for a cranky rockstar mom. Yesterday, I came home early from work; he had a fever of 104 at the daycare (he had a normal temperature when I dropped him off, though). Luckily, I had already scheduled an appointment with his doc. So off we went to the doctor for the third time in less than 12 days. This time, he was diagnosed with bronchitis and was prescribed antibiotics. Hallelujah! So I took a half-day off and today off from work to help him recuperate.
I need to catch some ZZzzzzs. This rockstar lifestyle is making me sleepy.
Labels: music, musings/personal stories, my friends, rockstar baby
a post in pictures...
Here's an eclectic mix of pictures I want to share. As they say, pictures are worth a thousand words...so why describe when you can show!
Today was my mother's birthday. Getting to Queens for her birthday lunch was a fiasco; there was a bike-a-thon in Manhattan and they closed down the highway I take. As a result, it took me 2 hours to get to Queens, when it usually takes me 30 minutes! I was cranky when I got there, and I'm sure I disappointed her when I was being masunggit. But please know I love you mom!
Rockstar Mom and Rockstar Baby! Amazing artwork by my friend Ben.
Thank you for drawing us!
Last but not the least...
It's official: It's the end of an era! Here is a pic of my last night with my friend Alina (far right). Now there is only three (of 5) of us in the Party Posse...Party Posse's Last Night
Labels: family matters, musings/personal stories, my friends