Tuesday, April 10, 2007
i'm a player hater

According to the hubs, I'm a big complainer. I can't fully disagree with him since I do tend to make comments. But I really can't help it sometimes. As much as I try not to be, I can be judgmental and snarky. I player-hate. I get jealous. I envy others. Should I? No, of course it's a sin to covet thy neighbor, but I think most people are guilty of it in some way, shape, or form. After all, we're only human, right?

Before I go and whine, let me say that I recognize that I have a great life. I have an amazing husband, a beautiful baby boy that I adore, a neat starter home, a good career with flexible hours, generous parents, wonderful friends, and I have my health and happiness. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Now on with the whining. I can't help but make comments like:

"I want a bigger house. Can we move? Can we renovate? Now?"

"She's such a lucky bitch. People always buy shit for her and she doesn't have to pay for anything."

"I need a higher paying job. My friends make more money than me."

"I'm so jealous she went to Greece! I'd love to go to Greece!"

We all have our 'woe-is-me' days I suppose. Problems are relative and even people like Bill Gates can complain, right? So like I said, while I know I'm blessed (and I don't even think I need to justify this), I still express discontent. And while I'm genuinely happy when good things happen to my friends and family, a part of me also gets all jealous from time to time. You know what I'm saying?

Like when I heard about my friend Riss going to Australia and joining my friend Girlie there on holiday. My first thought was "Damn! I wish I could afford a trip to Australia!" Yes I should be happy for her and I am, but hey, I'm selfish as well. Although in reality I don't really have the liberty (or the desire) to leave rockstar baby behind even if I did have the means.

Or when my friend Alina told me she was moving to Los Angeles. For some insane reason, I felt jealous that she was starting this new adventure. I immediately told the hubs "we should move to L.A!" despite the fact that a) I did already live there and b) I have no reason to move there at this time.

So I've come to the realization that I'm a player-hater. Heck, I don't like this trait of mine. Everyday I try to be a better person and I try not to compare my life with others. But this weird streak appears on occasion and I become "Snarky Kat." Ugh. Is this normal?

Am I the only one who goes through this?

(Angelic people need not reply)


POSTED BY KAT AT 4/10/2007 09:57:00 PM |


Blogger Solaida said...

Ok! I don't think I'm ANGELIC so I'll reply hehehe....

Simply said: No you're not the only who goes through this.

Just this week I found myself envying every double parent family at the daycare... and every coworker that actually lost their weight in time for spring... and every double-income-earning family that actually can afford to buy a nice home in Bergen county... and all my friends who can actually go out without even a thought of needing a babysitter or wondering if the babysitter is a child molester... yadda yadda yadda...

... and then I think back to the time... when I made one third of what I made now... when I actually had already lost my weight in time for spring... when I actually did live in Bergen County... when I did go wherever I want whenever I wanted... and when I wanted something other than what I already had.

Ain't it weird how we can covet more stuff... and then if and when we are fortunate enough to get it, we forget to actually be satisfied with it?... We immediately move on to wanting more??


... and at the risk of sounding cliche-ish, here's an even better consolation: "Everything's greener on the other side of the fence." I bet you for each person you've envied this week, they've envied you back at least twofold. =)

4/10/2007 11:29:00 PM  
Blogger tintin said...

Hi Kat! Everyone has their moments. I talk about other couples all the time, and about people's appearance but only to one person. The person I know won't judge me and know that he's like my diary haha...Woody of course.

But you know what, Woody is a bigger whiner than me so s'okay. As far as comparing myself to others more successful in terms of money, I've always felt blessed in terms of always getting what I want eventually...so I don't complain as much.

As far as comparing myself to others who are hotter, I think I have a good self-esteem cause I usually just admire them and then remind myself I've got a hubby who loves how I look so there! :)

4/11/2007 09:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Karen said...

Funny - last night I also complained in my Blog and I even said, "My friends make more money than I do." But Sol is right. I used to make less money, I used to be 10lbs lighter ... but I wanted more. To make you feel better, I also envy you ... for having a husband who doesnt have heart disease, for having a cool father, for being a lawyer ... I told you, I am also a player-hater.

4/11/2007 10:47:00 AM  
Blogger G. said...

so, apparently, my parking space in hell is right next to yours! coz i am guilty of everything you've written and then some.

here's the thing tho... i should feel bad but i don't really. i mean, wanting a lot only pushes you harder, right? except for when you see things getting handed to someone who doesn't even work hard for it - that shit pisses me off specially when i bust my ass to get things i want and need.

see, i just got annoyed typing that.

in any case, i wish you were in oz with me more than you can imagine...

and, in retrospect, hell wouldn't be so bad with you by my side.


4/11/2007 01:39:00 PM  
Blogger Riss said...

(Hope this shows up, the Blogger server is acting up)

I think everyone is given to envy, it's only human right? I've been blessed with so much but I sometimes look at people who live in areas where they don't have crackheads pissing in their front yard or drunk drivers going by at 90 mph every weekend or where they don't have to worry about the safety of their children and I get envious. But then I remember that it's my personal choices or mistakes that have created the situation and that the best I can do is work from there and the envy abates. But to feel it is totally natural and human.

Also, I'm pretty envious of people who are married to masseuses or gourmet chefs :P

4/11/2007 04:06:00 PM  
Blogger TinTin said...

psttt..riss, my hubby is studying to be a massage therapist. Don't hate me. LOL! :)

4/11/2007 04:22:00 PM  
Blogger Eileen Joy said...

It's okay to whine or bitch about what everyone else has--we're all guilty of it. It's just what are you going to do about it?

I used to bitch that everyone was getting paid way more than I ever have, so I sacrificed and came out here for school.

I'm always jealous of other people. Like why the hell haven't I found someone to share all my randomness with? Why do I always find losers and how did my friends find these great guys?

It's okay, good things come to those who wait.

I want to go to Australia too though, and go back to Greece. Now that one was cause my parents wanted us all to go on a family trip--I embrace all free family trips wholeheartedly. One day (hopefully) you will too.

It's okay girl, like Riss said--we're only human...faults and all. =)

4/11/2007 04:52:00 PM  
Blogger David and Vicky said...

come to brisbane, just a plane ride away LOL!. When I was your age i behaved the same. I distract myself from feeling like that now or should I say I'm too busy. It's part of PMS my dear- happens before my period hehe... the good news is I whine 3/7 so 4/7 is still worth living with- ask my hubby...'gidday.

4/11/2007 07:26:00 PM  
Blogger kat said...

SOL: yup...so true. we've all come so far, but yet we always want more. and yes, the grass is always greener on the other side.

KAREN: ha! all of my lawyers and i complain about being a lawyer! and 80% of lawyers say they wouldn't have gone to law school if given a second chance!

TINTIN: woody's going to be a masseuse?! sweet! and i hear ya on talking about other people. but it's a passing thing fortunately! and i get back into perspective!

GIRLIE:oh good! we'll make hell fun! hahah... but it is a bitch when it seems some people get handed stuff whereas we got to work for it, huh?

RISS:when i first started working in JC, i thought it was a shithole. but i now realize that there are areas that are quite nice even in the midst of crap. plus, people will always worry about the safety of their children no matter where they are. but yup, we're only human and we'll always be prone to wanting more and be envious of others. but then we suck it up!

EILEEN JOY:i love family trips! i'm waiting for our next one which may be in australia next year! and i'm glad to know i'm not the only one who gets frustrated! (and sometimes, i wish the freedom of being single, so don't you worry about that!)

4/11/2007 07:29:00 PM  
Blogger Trish said...

It's funny you're writing about this player-hater thing. I was just thinking about something my mom said to me when she was here. ("So, Roland doesn't ask you why you're not as successful as your friends?" In my mind I said, "Ouch.") She's probably thinking, why does my kid have to be a freaking housewife/SAHM, when my doctor's kid is a doctor, and my doctor's kid is a doctor, and my neighbor's kid is a doctor, and some random person that I saw on the news has 5 kids who are all doctors?? Trish could have been a doctor! hehe...yeah, I know, I'm trivializing the hater thing, but it's like Max Ehrmann says in "Desiderata":

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Good advice, I think.

P.S. I could almost qualify for the label of "angelic person" coz my mom says "stuff" (I really have a much better word than that) like that to me ALL THE TIME.

4/11/2007 09:16:00 PM  
Blogger G. said...

trish - it's funny how your mom doesn't see your achievements. it is your choice to stay at home and raise your kids. and you actually spend time with them and teach them and watch them. i have a lot of respect for that. it's not like you're a SAHM and not really doing a good job at it.

you're actually being a mother which is a big deal.

and i'm sure you won't say things like that to your kids.

you'll always be a role model to me - you and kat are my stars!


4/11/2007 09:57:00 PM  
Blogger mrs. pektus said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4/12/2007 10:51:00 PM  
Blogger mrs. pektus said...

I hear you Kat! I'm so like player-hater myself. I guess one can never be contented even if he/is is Bill Gates-like.

I think its ok to get jealous and be envy of others. It's just a feeling. Just don't go over board..(like stealing or something..heheh). And life isn't fair.

As for me, at the end of the day. I'm just thankful that I am alive and that I am loved by the people I love. And be optimistic that one day.. I'll be able to own a Prada shoes or wear a Valentino gown and have my own bank account with overdraft in a bank in Bangladesh, just like Becky Bloomwood Brandon :)

4/12/2007 11:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Jlyn said...

Kat -

I totally get what you mean. My husband has 5 brothers and they are all married which means I have 5 sister-in-laws that I have to keep up with. My mom constantly reminds me that I have to go at my own pace, but it's hard to not compare my situation with theirs. More money, better job, nicer car, exotic travels, yada yada yada...Like you, I'm working everyday to make myself a better person and get off this Hedonic Treadmill.

"I am happy, I am contented, I am loved" say it over and over again

4/13/2007 04:19:00 PM  
Blogger Solaida said...

OK... I've had a long day today, so today I think I'll be a SAHM-hater hehehe....

After today's disaster stress inducing day at work, I'd given anything in the world to be a SAHM!!!!


Besides, there's no other tougher or more rewarding job in the world than being a MOTHER!!

4/13/2007 11:49:00 PM  
Blogger marie said...

I'm no angelic too and what you're feeling is normal. I've had my share of that too, ALWAYS...:(

4/15/2007 02:20:00 AM  
Blogger rolly said...

I do sometimes have the same feelings but I don't dwell on them. Concentrate on the good things and you'll be alright. works everytime.

Now get that guitar and play your favorite piece. :-)

4/16/2007 11:57:00 AM  
Blogger kat said...

VICKY: well whenever i make it to Oz, i'll def. look you up in melbourne!

TRISH: haha...i think we already know you are absolutely angelic!. i can't believe your mom said that! parents can be so tactless sometimes. my dad once said to me "why don't you look like her?" indicating to my cuzin zooey since i was about 125 lbs and the time and she was her usual skinny self. gah! anyway, i think you have a great life. being a SAHM is hard work and i really admire you for it.

G.: ditto! i totally agree w/ you on trish. she is amazing!

SHIENA: yes, i hear you. sometimes we really can't help it but like you, i do appreciate my blessings at the end of the day.

JLYN: thanks for stopping by and your great comment. i'd like to get off this "keeping up with the joneses" ride as well, but it doesn't help when others make comments, right? but yes, we are happy and contented.

ATE MARIE:thanks ate!!

TITO ROLLY:oh yes, playing guitar makes me feel better! glad to know you go through the same things as well!

4/17/2007 09:28:00 AM  
Anonymous toni said...

You're soooo not alone. I do a lot of that, too!

"Are we going to be renting forever?"
"Why am I the only one who doesn't have kids?"
"Those shoes of hers are gorgeous. I wish I could afford them."
"What a waist. If only I could transfer some inches of my waist to my boobs or something."
"She's traveling? Again? I want her bank account."

I feel really kawawa during those times. Yeah, wallow in self-pity right! I don't stop myself from feeling that way. I stop myself from digging too big a hole for myself that I can't get out of.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone's jealous of what I have, because surely I don't seem to be appreciating much during those moments.

Ah, we're just normal folks. We love what we have, we'd love to have more, but while we don't, we player-hate. The important thing is that we know when not to overdo with the sourgraping, player-hating. Right? Right?

4/18/2007 05:53:00 AM  
Blogger Christianne said...

I agree that it's only human and normal to wish for nicer things for ourselves and our families. Who doesn't want a more comfortable home, or a better job? As long as we get over the 'woe-is-me' feeling quickly and don't resent other people for their good fortune, ok lang yan :D

And if we don't get over the envy, it may be a sign that whatever we're jealous of (a master's degree, a trip around the world, a house with a white picket fence and the biggest lawn on the block) is something important to us and we should see if we can work to achieve it ourselves someday.

Apologies if I'm not making any sense, it's past 11 pm here! :D

4/18/2007 05:19:00 PM  
Blogger vina said...

i'd like to be angelic for this one.

haha! not!

it's just normal, i guess, to want what we don't have, and to want more of what we already have. it doesn't mean, though, that we are not happy with our own blessings.

i'm sure there are other people/girls that 'hate' you too. hehe.

4/24/2007 06:32:00 AM  
Blogger MrsPartyGirl said...

hindi ako angelic, kaya sasagot ako :P and i agree with what everyone has said, so i won't repeat na.

but, if it makes you feel any better, i envy you because you live in the big city (while i'm naa-agnas here in my little city), i am jealous that you play the guitar really well (i only know A C D & E, ergo achy breaky heart forms part of my pathetic repertoire), i would like a rockstar baby boy of my own (aside from ninna, of course), i am green about that flat tummy of yours (mine needs a miracle!), and you are such a darn good writer!

so yah, i must hate you very much hehehe! but i don't, and won't. because even if i'm not angelic, i do try to be - i don't need the stress, and the wrinkles, and i want to go to heaven, too, hehe!

methinks, i need to revamp my repertoire, no?

4/24/2007 01:56:00 PM  

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a wanna-be rockstar with mediocre guitar skills | mom to rockstar baby | guitarist in a band | 30 but not grown-up | this is all about my musings. music. motherhood. and mayhem.

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