As many women can probably attest to, there's always that guy, that asshole that you wish you can erase from your dating history. For me, that would be Feodor D--- Yeah, I typed his name. Let him google himself and see this! *evil laughter* It wasn't so much that he was an evil person. He just wasn't a very nice one, to me at least, and it was a matter of just two people really, really, really not meant for each other but just staying together and coasting along for reasons unknown or forgotten.
Let's see…I met him during the spring semester of my first year in college. He was actually a senior in high school visiting a friend (or rather, ex-girl). I thought he was very cute and flirted with him with my minimal flirting skills. (Aside: I was freshly broken up with my high school sweetheart and had been in a monogamous relationship since I was 15, so I really didn't have any flirting skills). Anyway, we ended up going out and hanging out. In a few month's time, we began to date.
It was a volatile relationship right from the beginning. We really didn’t have a lot of things in common. He had no interest in higher education, had no immediate goals in mind, and hadn't even graduated from high school when we started to date. In the meantime, I was still new to NYC, was still in the process of trying to fit in (again, see previous post), and sort of depended on him to introduce me to new friends, new hangouts, etc.
So him, coupled with my plummeting self-esteem = disaster. I was constantly trying to prove to him that I was good enough, when it reality, everyone around us knew that he was the lucky one. Since he was not even in college and not working, I paid for everything –dinner, drinks, movies, shooting pool, and the general costs of hanging out. I also paid for our vacations. Like a trip to Hawaii. Yes, you read that right. I paid through a mix of my own money (because I had a part-time job), and a bit of allowance from my parents. He practically lived at my dorm much to the dismay on my other room mates. He never bought me anything, constantly mooched off me, constantly looked at other girls (I myself like to appreciate other women, but you have to throw a praise or two my way, at least!), and never made me feel loved and secure like my previous boyfriend did. And here's the kicker: He even used my credit card to call phone sex lines and racked up a bill to the tune of $200+! What the F%#*!?! Yes, I took him back after that. It was Christmas time, after all. Me = doormat.
Why the hell did I stick around so long? The only thing going for us was the physical aspect of it all. Which is not much to go by. All throughout our relationship, I asked myself that question. Everyone told me I could do better (even some of his friends and his own mom said that!). I knew I could do better. I think deep down, I thought I would lose the new associations I made. He was my connection, and I felt I wouldn’t have all these friends or be part of "the scene" if I let go of him. At the time, I think I was co-dependent on him for my happiness. Part of me liked the challenge of trying to change him, taking care of him, mothering him. It made me feel needed, especially in light of the fact that I was still trying to find my own way in life. Does that make sense?
I ended up dating him on and off for about two years. Two years of my life wasted. And the last half of our relationship was spent trying to get rid of him. I finally got rid of him when I fell for this other guy at school and started seeing him on the sly. Yes I cheated. It took someone else who appreciated me to see the mess I got myself into. I told him it was over but he still came around, thinking he would win me back. When he found out that I cheated, he got so mad that he punched me on my thigh --leaving a bruise. He said he wasn't sorry for doing it and would do it again because I deserved it. I was stunned and humiliated. And I never said anything about this to anyone except now.
Well that incident just about sealed the deal. After that, it was finally! over. Although for a few months after that, I would get his drunken calls in the middle of the night asking for me back. Such drama.
Now, I hear he's doing well. He supposedly lives with his girlfriend in their own apartment and I hear he's working in Wall St. Thank goodness I haven’t had the misfortune of running into him especially since I work in the city where he lives. If we did run into each other, I really don’t know what I would say. Other than maybe hit him up for money he owed me.
P.S. My latest review is up and running! Please check out: Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakthrough
Labels: musings/personal stories