Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Unsettled is how I feel at the moment. Like I'm waiting for something to happen, but I don't know what. Like I'm on the verge of something....It's weird. Or maybe I'm just PMS-ing?

Some random gripes that are contributing to that "unsettled" feeling:

1) Paying $50 for a full-tank of gas (premium). A full-tank for my gas-guzzling SUV used to be about $36 on average. Now, it's freaking $50. Every week. $200 a month if the gas prices keep up. $2.15 per gallon. And what's up with the stupid 9/10 of a cent crap that they pull?! Just put the freaking price down, and that's that!

2) Seeing The Cure wasn't like what I thought it would be. This is partly because of the setting. Most of the bands on the line-up were metal-rock, punk-rock groups and The Cure is just way more subdued than those bands. So they kinda didn't fit in. Add to the mix a bunch of frat kids out from college drinking up a storm, hoochies who were just into primping and pimping, 90-degree weather, crappy bathrooms, dirt/mud everywhere, kids making out right next to you, and seeing the whole thing w/ the hubs who's not into watching concerts as whole (let alone a music fest) = not the best experience in the world. Not bad, but not good. Overall, I liked Jay-Z's, the Offspring, the Violent Femmes, and of course, The Cure's performances. I just wish they played longer though.

3) I hate the feeling of not being able to help my victims at work. I don't like it when they cry and ask what the hell needs to be done before the defendant gets locked up. It sucks. You just feel helpless.

4) Missed opportunities: Wish you took a risk back in the day, or did something you really wanted to but didn't because you wanted to do the "responsible" thing. Or regretted something you did do and wish you could take it back? Well really, I think I just described life! It's not that I am dwelling on the past at all, it's about reconciling the choices you've made over time with who you are in the present and what it means to you and coming to peace with it. As for me, heck I wished I kept up with the guitar throughout college instead of stopping --I would've been kick-ass right about now --which also leads to my regret of not pursuing one of my dreams of being in a band. No really. I am serious. Lately, I've been thinking about just performing in small venues, etc. I know it's not too late to do anything, but it is a hell of a lot harder now than then. But this is just me rambling of course...

5) Short weekends. The weekends are just way too short. Not enough time to do everything.

6) Eating like a fiend. Cupcakes, frapuccinos, Popeyes, sundaes..you name it. I've eaten all in a row day after day for this past whole week. There goes my cholesterol. My doctor's going to freak. Have to stop going to Magnolia Bakery! Hm...and I bought 6 cupcakes today...well after I finish them, then I'll stop buying them. Need willpower.

7) Biting your tongue. Out of propriety, I don't say things as bluntly as I want. I can be feisty when provoked but don't necessarily curse out people or even yell. It's all about professionalism and being the better person. I wish I could just say shit without any consequences but of course, if I do, it'll just create a mess. Or it may come back to haunt me one way or the other. Sometimes, I just wish I can blow up though...AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!
POSTED BY KAT AT 5/25/2004 10:45:00 PM |


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a wanna-be rockstar with mediocre guitar skills | mom to rockstar baby | guitarist in a band | 30 but not grown-up | this is all about my musings. music. motherhood. and mayhem.

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